For several weeks, I undergone some personal battles and gave me really lots of things to think through that's why I missed a week or two of not posting anything, thought blogging will help release my stress but opted not to post because of some too personal stuffs and chose to just jot down in my diary again.
For those times of hardships, I have realized so many things in my life. I may not fully understand what all those meant but at least I came around and tried to fight for it.
* I learned that I am incapable of trust (not totally but it's not normal) and with what I just gone through? I wasn't able to share them to anyone that's why it was so hard for me to understand and decide on what to do next. I had my family of course but I know they will not understand. I don't want to bother my mom, she had enough stress from his drivers and my little brother and sister? What would I get from them? They look up to me for advice and may also not understand my situation, or maybe i just don't give them a chance to understand me... I thought I have a lot of friends, true friends I mean but I don't trust them enough for me to share my very personal feelings. Don't pity me please... it's never too late and it was good to know as early as now that I need to be more open and learn to trust others.
* I became very complacent on where I am now and limited myself to what I have today... I didn't give a chance for myself to grow. I was very contented on what I have and didn't practice to ask for anything... I am really not used to asking help because I believe i can... Then, when the time came that I knew what I wanted and didn't get it, it made me really disappointed and nailed me that stage for sometime, it shook my world... Since today, I promise to never miss this another chance for me to discover the UNLIMITED ME.
* I can go out myself... I can do simple things my own now.
* Learned new hobby - RUNNING and met new group that I know I can belong one day... i started to know them for the series of runs I did from last week. They can share a lot of tips from their very own experience during their runs because they have the advocacy to teach newbies like me for free. I'll be joining them every Wed at the Fort.
* I am better today, I can do better everyday.
* Feel good everyday.
* The most important thing is to lift up to God and trust that everything He gives me are for me to become a better person.
... I thank God for letting me get through to this hurricane and to daddy long legs for receiving all the stones I've thrown and for swimming through my tears and hearing my endless tantrums. My mind is clear now and my spirit is up. I will try to keep this up. :D